||[Jul. 7th, 2006|03:22 pm]
|||||The TRAX - Beat Traitor||]|
Just joining every teenager in America in not getting what they want..and that's fine, I don't really care, as long as they're physical objects.
God knows we don't have the money for much, especially the way food disappears in this house. ¬_¬
This meaning I couldn't get the Dir en grey CD I wanted, but that's fine, I'll just get it next month, along with the one I'm wanting for a friend's birthday that month... Nothing of a big deal. I have the songs anyway, I just wanted an official copy.
It's only an object.
But that's not my problem...
My mother and brother set me up for re-evaluation of my mental condition...and that's going to happen sometime in the next two weeks.
I'm sure anyone who reads this would know it was recently my birthday...and that no-one I know in my every-day real life said shit to me for the whole day.
I know many people would tell me to get over it. Hell. I tell myself that. Just fucking get over it. It's not like it's different from any other year. It's just another day right? Well fuck that. It was my birthday. My dad used to call, or ask if I wanted to go anywhere. Can't really blame my mom for not caring, as she dosen't care about much more than what she's shoving into her face next. Especially if I ask her not to touch things. They'll be half-gone when I next see them. Can't she figure out that just because it's in her appliance does NOT mean it's hers? ... moving on.
But honestly. How can they send me to some unfamiliar person to judge me by questions she asks, and then try and figure out why I'm so upset so she can fix me, when they've both helped me go fucking bonkers?
When your own mother can prove to you she dosen't think of you-on multiple ocasions-, and then strain her ass trying to figure out why you're pissed off, and send you to a counsellor to figure out what your fucking drama is, I would call that a valid reason to be upset.
When everyone else in your family you should be able to count on is sweeping you under a rug, to forget about you until it's convenient for them to find you, or until you next answer the phone which they've called to check up on mommy dearest and make sure she hasn't exploded yet from the sheer amounts of things she's ingested that day, or unless you have to drag them out for an hour for food of some sort, I would also call that a valid reason.
Anyone else in my life, reallife or not, I get a huge feeling of avoidance from. There are very few exceptions, including the one person I know for certain is actually really busy lately...hopefully.
I always complain about how far away I feel from people, and you know what? I think that I AM THAT FUCKING FAR!
It's probably me, too! There's people who are afraid of me because they have no idea how I'm going to react to certain things. I change too much to keep any good friends unless they can put up with me...
So no, nothing unusual here. Just another self-loathing, bitchy, "nobody cares about me" teenager. -_-